Dear Inconsiderate and Rude People,

While I realize that you can�t help your own ignorance, I would really appreciate it if, when you discover than I�ve been married for 11 � years, you�d not then say to me, "Don�t you WANT kids?"

First of all, what you don�t take into consideration because you�re so oblivious to proper etiquette, that there are those people who aren�t physically able to have children. You�re so selfish, wanting to desperately know whether or not I have a kid or two so that you may then judge me spot-on, that you don�t realize that some people may just be extra sensitive to being asked this question. For me, I don�t know for absolute sure if I *can* or *can�t* have children; I haven�t tried. But there are women out there who know for sure that they are unable to get pregnant and/or carry a baby to term and they may be sensitive when asked that incredulous question.

Secondly, just because I have been married for nearly 12 years and haven�t given birth yet, doesn�t mean anything. You don�t know ME. You don�t know my LIFE. You don�t know my STORY!

And then when you stupidly tell me what a j o y having kids is, I just want to puke. Sometimes, you�ve turned me off so much by your doltish comments that I just want to turn on my sarcasm and tell you that I *HATE* children and that I don�t want to waste my time and energy on a rotten brat much less a brood of �em.

It�s as though you think that I need to be convinced into having children.

Lemme tell you something... just because I happen to have a vagina, a uterus, and married in a heterosexual relationship, does NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN THAT I AM OBLIGATED TO POP OUT BABIES!

There is NOT A DAMNED thing wrong with a woman DECIDING, rather UNSELFISHLY, I might add, that having children is not for her. I�d rather meet a woman who has decided that children are not her cup o� tea than birth one because society deems it her moral/social obligation as a female.

And for all you mothers out there who D E F I N E yourself by being a mother and mother only, I think you make me want to vomit. There is more to being a woman than JUST being an effing "mommy". Those of you who spend ALL of your time, 150% committed to your offspring without regards to your OWN self and/or your husband/mate ( I realize some of you might be single moms and I do give you a sh*tload of credit for taking on the role of both mom and dad! I know that is extraordinarily tough!) just plain annoy me.

I met a woman recently, she was a sweet as could be, but told me that she and her husband hadn�t been on a "date" in over 2 years because she "was too afraid to leave her kids"...THEY WERE 8 AND 10 FOR CRYIN� OUT LOUD!!! It wasn�t as if she had newborns or toddlers!

You DO realize that the umbilical cord HAS been cut, right?

And when a "mommy" just lets herself go, that really is bullsh*t. Don�t get me wrong; I know some women just aren�t about makeup or stylish clothes and that�s fine...but when you change who YOU are at the very core; when you become a COMPLETELY different person just because you�ve had some tenants in your womb a time or two or four, then that�s ridiculous.

Don�t get me wrong. If you�re a mom, by all means your needs DO come second to your child(ren), but that doesn�t mean you have to just be Mommy and lose sight of being Wife, Friend, Lover, Date, Partner, SELF.

People like my friend Patty and even my sister, Karyl are my inspirations for WHEN and IF *I* become a mom someday. Patty has a 5 year old daughter and since Jacqueline was about a year and a half to two years old, Patty and her husband have allowed babysitters (and grandparents, too) to take care of Jac while they either went out for a date or joined their dinner club or went out with friends. Sometimes Patty goes "out with the girls" and sometimes her husband goes out "with the guys". Sometimes they go out together by themselves. Sometimes they meet up with other couples. And a LOT of times they go out as a family. In fact, they take at least 2 family vacations each year! So, Patty and her husband have mastered being parents while still remaining true to the other roles in their lives. This is definitely how I�d want to be if I ever had a child!!!

And my sister, Karyl, while she�s not quite as social as Patty, she�s still willing to go and do things with friends (when the opportunity presents itself) and I know for sure that if I lived a helluva lot closer, she and her hubby would go out for lots more dates and she�d even go off by herself for some "alone" time. She�s not AFRAID to leave Gracie in the care of her neighbor or a trusted friend or family member. It�s not like she believes (like so many of you women out there) that "Oh, no! I can�t possibly leave my baby�s (or child�s) side for 2 seconds. What if s/he needs me? I�ll be a bad mommy if I abandon him/her/them."

Gag me with a wooden effin spoon, people. Puh-lease. The world is not going to end if you�re not by your kid�s side every freakin� wakin� moment of the day or even at night! Get a grip!!!

I could go on and on but I think I�ve made my point quite clear.

I�m mostly tired of being judged because I�m C H O O S I N G to leave my womb rent-free for now and not have an occupant.

I�m sick of people asking me, "Don�t you WANT kids?"

I�m fed up with people judging me because I don�t choose to have a baby right now or in the next 2 minutes or 2 months.

I�m pissed off that, as a woman, I am pressured by society--- not only to pop out babies but to take on the world.

I�m irritated that so many women before me have pushed out a bloody, placenta-covered alien creature from between their legs and from that moment forth have decided that the end-all and be-all of their ENTIRE existence.

So, once again: I WILL HAVE A BABY *WHEN* AND *IF* I CHOOSE!

And please� for goodness� sake, BACK THE F*** OFF!!!

Sincerely,
Mich�le W.

ps-- this diary entry was "inspired" by a conversation I had with a woman in the office here at the campground. So, it's based on a true story.