Anyone know where I can get some Confidence and Peace Of Mind? I mean, they sell all kinds of random crap on eBay, so surely I can find it there. Right? Or maybe Amazon?

Back when Ben first applied for the job in Atlanta, we had a lot of optimism and excitement. Well now, for me, that has come to a screeching halt. It has been replaced with fear, intrepidation, and anxiety.

The actual act of packing up and moving doesn't bother me. After years in the Navy and living on the road for the FAA, it's old hat and I'm pretty much a pro at it. However, changing jobs??? Holy craptastic, Batman. (to quote my seeeeester)

I know, some of you are going to leave comments: "You'll be fine." "Don't worry".... and all that jazz. But, I can't help it. It took me three days to have the courage to even answer the phone when I took the position that I have now. And, when I took this job, I already was familiar with a lot of the people who worked here because Ben was assigned to a project the first year we were in south Florida. Going to ATL will be a whole new ball of wax!

It may surprise some of you, but I have very little confidence in myself when it comes to job skills, etc. I'm not just saying that either. As a matter of fact, there's a position open in ATL that is not only a promotion in pay, but in 'status' (and title). Ben helped me work diligently on the write-ups for the application (which was submitted last night; they have a new online application process for administrative postions). However, I've been kind of bucking him all the way. It's embarrassing to admit but I told him (initially) that I didn't want the position because it would be too much responsibility. I told him that I wanted a job like the one I have because I know HOW to do it and I'm comfortable with it.

I am not reaching for The Rock. (Ben's expression for when he aspires to achieve greater and better for himself or anyone else. He says, "Reach for the rock...") It's also shameful to admit that I don't have any aspirations to move higher. Our coordinator here was saying yesterday at lunch (I am not sure if he was serious or joking me) that he could see me as in a high level management position some day.

Um. Yeah. Right.
NOT!!!!!

And let's not even talk about the selling of our home. Talking about tha just pisses me off. I mean, Angry Michele rears her ugly head and her eyes bulge out of their sockets! Part of me wonders if I should stay here and live in the house until we sell it. At least that way, we'd be getting our money's worth (so-to-speak) with me occupying it than let it rot vacant and still have to float the note.

As I look at my life in whole, I'm glad that I've progressed somewhat in my confidence but I know that I still have a long, long, lonnnnnnnnng way to go. (And not just regarding jobs/working, but in ALL aspects of my life.)

Until next time...peace, love & HEALTH!!