Spots in the Shade
Full Moon Graphics
2010-06-23 - 11:36 a.m.
This entry is just a way for me to purge some things and clear my head. Likely, it's going to be all over the place---I'm sure part of that is due to lack of sleep recently, so I'm not 100% coherent. Heh heh.
I wish there was a magic pill that I could take. A pill that would allow me to stop seeking approval from friends and family. A pill that would free me from the chains of this overwhelming need to feel liked/loved. And, a nice side effect would be to have the ability to not care. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that I want to be a stone-cold bitch (this isn't even humanly possible for me; I've actually tried and it lasted 4.3 minutes) but, I think I would be better off if I didn't care what other people thought of me. In other words, if I could go about my life and just be content in my own skin for who I am (inside & out)as well as get by in this world without feeling the need for reassurance and affirmation, I would likely have a lot fewer emotional issues.
I also would like to swallow a pill that would free me from placing expectations on others. I don't do this intentionally, but I think it corresponds to my need for being liked/loved/etc. There are so many times that I honestly feel as though if I were to drop off the face of the earth (saying this philosophically not suicidally!) that few people would either notice or care.
Again, I am not trying to be melodramatic here, but just trying to put down on paper (so-to-speak) some stuff that has been running around in my heart and my head for quite some time.
I can easily accept people for who they are and what they might be about (and/or stand for), but my biggest challenge is to accept the way they choose (or choose not to) interact with me. If I don't receive what *I* think they should give to me [emotionally]... I need to learn to be content regardless.
It's going to be a long, bumpy journey to be sure.... hopefully I don't get too battered and bruised along the way.
Getting Back Into My Vortex | 2011-09-08