Interestingly enough, I kind of feel out of the loop.

You see, my closest friends and my sister all have one thing in common that I don't...

They all have a child (or will soon)... Karyl has Miss Gracie; Alicia has Jake; Patty has Jacqueline; even Sheray has 2 step-kids one of which lives with her and Melissa is pregnant.

Sooooooo that leaves me outta the loop. Now, don't get me wrong--- it's not as though I'm going to suddenly stop taking my BCPs but at the same time I feel like I don't belong. Trying to find new friends my age who don't have kids is really challenging.

I guess Ben and I are freaks of nature because we didn't get pregant two seconds after we tied the knot. (This statement is not directed to anyone specific, just trying to illustrate the point further that we decided to wait to have children.)

And wait we have. And we will continue to wait. However it still makes me sad that they have a fundamental commonality and I don't. And not only that but lately I've felt really down on myself because I feel as though I am uninspiring.

By this I mean that I have no talent or direction that I'm heading. For example, we went to Ben's cousin's husband's party over the weekend. We drove to Orlando for the occasion. You'd think that I would have been on cloud nine because here was an opportunity (FINALLY!) for me to be involved in a social event. There were about 30 or 40 people there in total. Some were family members but a lot were friends of Eric and Nicole's from high school or college.

A few of them stood out... the guy from Philly was an established photographer (he even came wearing a black beret!) and his work was amazing. [Eric & Nicole had a lot of his photos framed and hanging as art on the wall.] Another guy unpacked a guitar, mic and stand, amp and went to town. He was pretty good even if it wasn't my style of music. [Karyl, it was totally up your alley.. very alternative college-y type music.] And Nicole is a second-grade teacher with a master's degree. And of course, there's Eric who is now officially an architect. There were a few of his friends at the party who were also architects or on their way to becoming one.

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like I'm just riding the wave of life, letting it carry me until it crests and then ebbs back to shore. Only once I hit the beach I don't know where I want to go. It's not as though I have a dream that is simply lacking a plan of attack. I don't have the dream. Nor do I feel like I have something worthy to offer. Don't get me wrong...there are things that I'm good at, sure, but ultimately those things just don't amount to a hill of beans.

Hell, I'd settle for a pile of beans at this point. Or a handful. A spoonful??

Anyone got some beans to spare???

Until next time...peace, love & HEALTH!!!