First of all, YES I am writing in the afternoon. Try not to go into cardiac arrest.

Secondly, a lot of times I don't know what to write on here, and then THWACK! it hits me like a brick. Hee, hee...

Karyl, thanks for the inspiration. Sometimes, if you read someone else's page, you can be inspired. Like me, right now!

Karyl, I know what you mean about being scared and "paranoid" as far as success and failure is concerned. Part of the reason I've been timid about getting a new job is the fear of failure. When I was in the Navy, I had one supervisor that would inevitably bring me to sheer tears and great sobbing because of his yelling and reprimanding me over the littlest, tinyest things.

Anyhow, I believe a lot of both of our lack of self-confidence stems from our childhood. Marty was always really good at crushing our esteems...whether or not she meant to, she did. Saying such things to me as, "You'll never amount to anything [without college]" and "You're gonna turn out just like your mother". Well, first of all, what the HELL is so bad about that? I adore my mother and think she's the greatest lady on the planet. Ok, well behind Madonna, of course. **wink, wink**

I have come a long way and do have a TON more confidence and definitely self-esteem now than I ever have! It took a lot of work, though. I still have things to work through, but I'm a lot further ahead than I once was. :-)

The only thing I have a "problem" with, is paranoia as to what your friends think. You wrote:

I always worry that I have pissed off one friend or another because they're not treating me the way they always have. There are certain people that ALWAYS arise this feeling in me, and I know it's stupid because I know how much these folks care about me. But I rack my brain for hours to figure out what the hell I did to them. Usually nothing... just my paranoia. My friends mean so much to me, and I would hate to have them pissed at me -- I've lost too many over the years.

Well, dearest sister, I can relate. I used to live my life like this. I tell ya, it's not worth it. It's so difficult to predetermine what someone else is thinking. I'm not lecturing you, just trying to free you from the bondage this stress is causing you! :-) If someone really and truly cares for you or loves you (such as family or close friends) even if they ARE pissed off at you, they'll get over it. Besides, sometimes people get angry over things that have nothing to do with you or me or anyone, but they take it out on the people they care about without realizing it!

Try to just do your best; be kind and gentle. Keep a positive attitude and treat your friends/family as you would want to be treated, and you should be o.k. I hope this helps you to de-stress! If not, then I'm gonna drive up there and beat you with a cold, wet, sticky, cooked noodle until you lighten up!!! :-)

And remember... regardless of anything, I LOVE YOU!

and that's all that really matters!!!

Thought Of The Day: "If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" --Shantideva

Thought Of The Day #2: "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."--Napoleon Hill

Until next time... peace, love & HEALTH!!!